


Kiss and Tell

by asylumsession



Series: OC Oneshots [4]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: And coffee, F/M, Police/Thief AU, there are handcuffs involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 22:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11954202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asylumsession/pseuds/asylumsession
Summary: In which a late night visitor might just make Ludwig question all that he stands for.





	Kiss and Tell

**Author's Note:**

> Birthday gift for one of my friends. Basically just officer!Ludwig x Thief!Blas. Honestly just wanted an excuse to use the 'kissed you as a distraction to steal your wallet' prompt.

Ludwig Beilschmidt isn't entirely sure how this began. One day he's a law abiding citizen and a law upholding officer, a leader among his community and Chief of Police; he's got his own official office and everything. Yet, the very next day, he's face to face with her  _irritatingly_  cocky smile, and the last thing he wants to do is arrest her.

He isn't entirely against the idea of handcuffs, though.

The man has to resist the urge to just slap himself then and there. He opts to blame the thoughts on the time; it's nearly two in the morning and he's still at the station filing reports for  _her_  recent robberies. He's running on little to nothing – he'd had two cups of coffee this morning and he's probably worked it all off by now. Coffee actually sounds ridiculously appealing in that moment, but he just wants to get these papers done.

The door to his office creaks open sharply and Ludwig spares an upward glance, wondering who else is insane enough to be here at this God-awful time. He immediately falters at the apparent lack of a uniform and slowly raises his eyes. A woman, no taller than five foot three or four, is standing there. She's clad in form fitting black, with sun-kissed skin, brown hair swept up into a complicated, braided bun, molten amber eyes surrounded by a mask, and that  _exasperating_  smirk that had been haunting him – she speaks, holding up what smells like a strong coffee.

“I've come for a booty call!”

_Oh, shit._

Ludwig drops his pen and lurches hastily to his feet, grabbing for his taser. “How the hell did you get in here?!”

“I'm a professional, sweetheart,” she laughs, eyeing the taser as she approaches. “Pay attention; maybe you'll learn something.”

He steps around his desk to move towards her and, much to her credit, she doesn't take a step back. His thumb hovers over the button on his weapon, fully prepared to use it if she makes any moves. Ludwig's free hand goes for his cuffs and her eyebrows shoot up. She looks vaguely amused, thrusting both arms forward with her wrists up and somehow managing to avoid spilling the coffee she's holding. Ludwig doesn't lower his guard; he knows there's no way she's giving up so easily and he's not sure how much he likes that little smirk of hers.

“Oh,” she drawls, “so you're into that kinky stuff, huh? I mean, I'm totally down, but don't you think we're moving a bit fast? I mean, you could at least buy me dinner first. Or,” she raises the coffee in her hand, “you could sit down and enjoy this coffee I brought you out of the kindness of my heart. It's black; you don't strike me as the type to sweeten your caffeine.”

Well, she's not wrong.

“Give me one good reason not to arrest you right now.”

“It's two A.M, you're still at a police station doing paperwork, and I brought coffee. Besides, I have a distinct feeling that you'd feel more inclined to arrest me if I threatened to walk out with this coffee, rather than now.”

And this is how Ludwig Beilschmidt, a law abiding and upholding citizen,  _chief of police_ , ends up in his desk chair with coffee in one hand and a criminal sitting on the side across from him with her legs propped up on the desk. He's staring her down; she's probably realized it by now, but she's occupied playing with the small Neuton's cradle he keeps on the corner of his desk.

“Well?” She asks, finally, without looking up. “You clearly want to say something.”

Oh, there's a lot of things he wants to say. He opts to keep most of them to himself and replies, “Why would a wanted thief like yourself just waltz into a police station?”

“Why not? You're the only one here, after all.”

“But you wouldn't have known that.”

She smirks, “Wouldn't I?”

Ludwig hesitates. She's playing with him now. He reconsiders the thought; this woman has  _always_  been playing with them.

“Regardless,” he begins again, “why on earth would you willingly go into an enclosed room with me? Do you realize who I am?”

“I'm not stupid,” she scoffs, “I know exactly who you are, Ludwig Beilschmidt. You're the chief of police and yet, here I am, completely untouched.”

Ludwig just eyes the coffee like it's poisoned and she drags out a sigh.

“I'm a thief, not a murderer,” she reminds him, “so don't look at it like it's going to grow teeth and bite your tongue off. I'll even taste it for you if you want,  _your majesty._ ”

His sharp blue eyes narrow at her taunting tone. She's wearing that smirk again and he's itching to grab his handcuffs, but she wants him to lose his cool and he knows it. He sets the coffee aside for the time being and turns his full attention to her.

“Let me guess,” she starts, “you want to know why a girl like me is a thief.”

“That is one of the many, many things going through my head right now, yes.”

“Easy,” she draws her feet back and twirls in the swivel chair she's in, “I'm in it for the thrill.”

“...So you steal because you can?”

“Look at you, finally catching on!” She grins now and Ludwig is taken aback by how dazzling it is. “Okay, Mr. Chief Of Police, my turn. Why are  _you_  a cop?”

He holds her gaze. “Because  _I_  happened to be raised in a household where I learned right from wrong.”

“Oh, sassy. I like it. Nice change, ten out of ten,” she pretends to clap, “but good and bad, right and wrong, whatever the hell you want to call them – they're all subjective, a matter of perspective.”

Ludwig pinches the bridge of his nose. He wants her gone or behind bars, whichever happens first. She's playing with the Neuton's cradle again and Ludwig finally decides to risk the coffee. He has a headache now, anyways.

“You know, while I suppose I appreciate the gesture,” he holds the coffee up, “I still have to arrest you.”

“Is that a promise, or a threat?”

He wordlessly sets the admittedly delicious coffee aside and fishes out his handcuffs once more, giving her the answer.

“What a shame, just when I thought we could be great friends,” she sighs rather sarcastically and rises to her feet. “I suppose that's my cue, then.”

Ludwig moves first. He shoots forward just fast enough to snap one cuff around her wrist, but by then she's caught on and somehow gets the other around his. They're at a standoff; she's smiling again and he fishes the key out. The thief has other plans; she leans forward, free hand going for his pocket. Ludwig's first reaction would have, at least, been to smack her away.

She doesn't give him the chance to even fully process that she's going for his wallet before she's already leaning over the desk and kissing him full on the lips. Ludwig's thought process immediately stutters and then falters to a rugged halt.

_Oh._

He only faintly registers the jingle of the handcuff's keys and she pulls back, smiling that irritating, cocky little smile of hers.

“It's Blas, by the way,” she laughs as she steps away to leave.

They both know he won't dare go after her, knowing her name or not.

“Firebrand,” he instinctively translates, wondering when he'd ended up sitting back down.

It's a German name that he only vaguely recognizes enough to remember the translation. She's attached the handcuffs to his own wrists and he's baffled and still half dazed from the kiss. It doesn't occur to him to unlock them, even though the key is inches in front of him.

“Sure,” she replies, “we'll go with that translation.”

It isn't until long after she's gone that he realizes three things. The first is that his Neuton's cradle is gone, probably snatched up after she'd snagged his wallet. The second is that she's certainly stolen something of his without realizing and, as much as it runs entirely against the rules,  _he doesn't care._

And three; it's going to be a long, long night.


End file.
